It is indisputable that Edina is a wonderful place to raise kids. We have great school systems, safe parks, numerous church programs and excellent athletic, arts and extracurricular opportunities. But we also have a secret ingredient that often goes unrecognized: strong marriages. In this busy city with limitless choices, staying connected as a couple is no small task. All too often parents are expected to be in more than two places at once and rarely have time for each other. “Extra family opportunities tend to take up a lot of time and money which can leave our relationships a bit neglected,” explains Chris Wheeler Doe, a licensed Edina Marriage and Family Therapist
Balancing work, kids and life can be a huge challenge, but it is well worth it. According to smartmarriages.com, children that are in two parent families do better nationally in education than children who are shared. Married people also make more money and live longer. Between one-fifth and one-third of divorcing women end up in poverty as a result of divorce. Parental divorce also approximately doubles the odds that adult children will get divorced.
Staying married is something to be really proud of. It makes families stronger and that contributes to the solid foundation of our community. In this month, we recognize three couples whose marriages have contributed to the betterment of our great city.
State Sen. Geoff and Annie Michel (17 years)
One of Annie and Geoff Michel’s favorite places in Edina is the backside of Lake Cornelia. It is a heavily wooded area, rich with wild foliage, nests, deer and a swampy shoreline. It is here amidst the natural tranquility and sense of calm that Annie and Geoff Michel chose to honor the memory of their son James with a bench in his name. “I had walked the lake during my pregnancy and had fond memories of being there with him,” Annie says. “To me it was the perfect place to keep his memory alive.”
The loss of their two-day-old son to SIDS in 1995 set them on a path much different than any new family would ever imagine having to walk. James was born healthy, strong and without any indication of illness or condition. On their first night home, he unexplainably stopped breathing. The loss of their child forced them to question their God, themselves and each other.
“It was a real test. We were in some terrible places, sometimes together and sometimes separately,” Geoff says. “Truly it was our commitment to our faith and our marriage and the great group of friends and family that held us up. This community saved us.”
Geoff also sites the huge outreach of classes and support offered by Edina’s Christ Presbyterian church. Annie agrees, adding, “Being from Edina was a blessing. My family is here and we have so many friends and relatives that were nearby when we needed them.”
Through it all, they both maintained a strong commitment to their marriage. “We have always been religious about our date nights … well, actually, we were!” laughs Geoff. “We are busier now so it’s so harder to get away.”
With four healthy, happy girls Ellie 13, Lexie 11, Olivia 9 and Cassie 8, life at the Michele’s is never dull. “Between piano, dance, soccer, basketball and balancing three different school systems, we have a full plate and can’t get out as much as we used to,” Annie says. Knowing how important it was to maintain their connection as a couple (not just as parents) forced them to find other date opportunities. “Now we walk,” Geoff says triumphantly. “And we’re serious about it. We have our half hour route, and our 45’er.” Annie adds, “At home it can be so hard to have a conversation with 6 people in the house. When we walk we have a moment to talk about our days, the kids and to connect with each other. We walk everyday—no matter how cold!”
Their Secret:
Their key to a happy marriage is to make time to be together, even if it’s just a half hour walk. They have a reliable set of babysitters and choose to live simply so they have time to enjoy each other. Their favorite Edina date night place is Convention Grill.
Fei and Chas McKhann (10 years)
Chas and Fei had a lot in common when they met. They were both in business school at Stanford and were driven by aspirations of “a real job in corporate America.” Their relationship grew from a true friendship. “That’s what this is really about. We are each others best friend,” Fei says. They dated for a few years, then got married and moved out to New York to pursue their ambitions on Wall Street. “We were both working in the city and loving it. I was pregnant with our first child and life was good. We had always talked about having a dual income family so it was easy to decide to go back to work after maternity leave.”
And that was the plan until Fei went into preterm labor at 33 weeks. “When Lindsey was born 7 weeks early, everything changed. I wasn’t ready to put her into someone else’s care after all we had been through,” Fei says. Though Linsdey’s health quickly stabilized, Fei struggled. “They could never figure out why she came early, so it was hard not to feel like it was something I did, like working too hard or stressing too much. That maternal guilt was tough and we found that suddenly the things that had been important just weren’t anymore.”
Chas was extremely supportive of Fei and they mutually decided to reprioritize—which also meant shifting their financial expectations. “We ended up taking a job in Miami. It was a great move for Chas and allowed me to stay home with our one year old daughter.” With the sun and sand came the birth of their son Colin, and shortly thereafter news of another relocation to Minnesota.
“Moving, again, was like ‘okay here we go.’ I think things like this would be impossible if you didn’t really like your partner. Moving is a challenge, getting to know the way around, meeting new people. We are so lucky to always have each other. We have always said that as long as we are together, that’s all that matters.”
Though Chas took a job in Arden Hills, Edina was the community that they gravitated towards—despite the long commute. “Immediately we felt a sense of community,” Fei says. “There were cities we looked at and just said ‘No!’ before we even looked at one house. You just get a sense that it’s a good place here.”
Since living here, just two years, they have made it their home. They are both very active at St. Stevens Church, and spend a lot time on what they call “main street,” 50th and France. “Our lives are so much different than we always thought they would be. Addresses have changed and we have changed, but we are still each other’s best friend, and that makes anything possible.”
Their Secret:
Their favorite date night in Edina is doing diner at Crave. They love the food and lively atmosphere, but also the ability to actually talk to each other. Their key to happy marriage? Not letting the little things fester.
Jane and Jerry Noyce (42 years)
“The thing that attracted me to Jerry was his sense of humor. He was so funny and still is. That is the secret,” Jane Noyce says fondly her husband of 42 years. Jerry on the other hand believes that while having a sense of humor is important.
Jane and Jerry met back at the U of M in 1964. “We were just as close as can be. Still are. But you know we worked hard, we didn’t have a lot of money and had no idea what the future would hold, but we knew we had each other,” Jane says. They moved into Edina when their two children, Jennifer and David, were in grade school. Looking back on all those years, they cannot think of one thing that made them question the decision they made to be together. “Jerry is so positive, so optimistic about everything,” Jane says. “There was never anything that we couldn’t work through, so nothing stands out as being really tough.”
Whatever they did as young parents must have been right because their daughter Jennifer moved back on to her old block with her two girls, Ana (8) and Sofia (4). “We have a very tight family. My two sisters and two brothers live within 10 minutes of my parents—who are going to be 90 and have been married for 66 years!” Jane says referring to her father Stanley, the original Dr. Veker, who has since passed his practice on to his son Dr. Steven Veker. Dr. Veker senior is heading into his 66th year of marriage, and when asked what his secret is he simply pointed at his wife and said, “She’s crazy about me!”
It appears that this sense of leadership, loyalty and pride has been passed down to his five children and to theirs. But is it luck, good genes, good roles models or a healthy combination of all of it? Jane and Jerry love to be together whether it is playing tennis, exercising, volunteering with the U of M or participating in worship at Mt. Olivet Lutheran Church. “We have so much fun together, laugh a lot and just still really enjoy each other and life,” Jane says.
Their Secret:
Their key to a happy marriage is being positive, not giving up on each other and finding enjoyment in everything. Staying healthy and fit is a responsibility to each other as well as the individual. Their favorite date night is at the Great Wall restaurant.
Author’s Note:
Naturally parents that are divorced are also capable of doing a tremendous job raising their children. Many children of divorced families become wonderful adults. But it is harder. It takes more work. And there are many compromises that are often disadvantageous to the children. Having become recently divorced, I can speak to both sides. If you are a couple in crisis, there is not a church in this town that won’t make time to sit and talk with you. There are also many non-religious groups, retreats and seminars available online.
