“Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, French-fried parakeet …” Remember that childhood song? There are many regional versions, but they all end with a lament for a spoon. Intended to be thrillingly disgusting, it now sounds like a menu from Andrew Zimmern’s “Bizarre Foods” or a reality show challenge. In honor of this month’s homage to spookiness, enact your own “Fear Factor” and eat some things that scare you. Be brave—you may just discover a new favorite, out of the cauldron and onto your plate!
FROGS AND SNAILS
Salut Bar Américain
This dish raises the question: Who was the first person to bite into a frog leg or slurp down a snail, and just how desperate were they? No matter, their erstwhile derring-do is our gift, for these creepy-crawlies are certifiably tasty. Cuisses de grenouilles and escargots sound sophisticated enough, and Salut prepares them with elegance and verve. The snails boast the vaunted Burgundian provenance, and each large striped shell is packed with garlic-herb butter and baked. The snails themselves are rather flavorless, not to mention horrifically ugly, but the whole point is that delicious butter, best mopped up with a baguette. Move along to crispy frog legs, which are also bathed in intense garlic-herb butter. These gams are high in protein and, true to the adage, taste like chicken (really!) though more tender, and with a delicate hint of pond. Escargots bourguignonne, $12.95; crispy frog legs, $6.95. 5034 France Ave. S.; 952.929.3764
ROTTEN CABBAGE
Raku
The spicy kimchee squid beckoned menacingly from the menu. The squid part is oogy enough, but kimchee? Isn’t that cabbage fermented in a hole in the ground? Well, yes. But hey, fermentation is supposed to be good for you. And squid, why, that’s just calamari. And what a gorgeous dish it was—a cascading pile of tangled tentacles and rings glistening with a shellacking of garnet-hued sauce. The squid was achingly tender, though the overall impression was of heat: this is a formidable sinus-clearer. One bite and you won’t think of rotten cabbage or tentacles; all you’ll be thinking is: Water! $10. 3939 W. 50th St.; 952.358.2588
EARS
Red Pepper
Pet owners know how much dogs love those dried pig ears. So why should the pooch get to eat all the good stuff? Do not despair—Szechuan hot pig ears to the rescue! Even if it’s ecologically correct to eat all the parts of an animal, this adventure required a palate of steel. A little research revealed the pig ear preparation to be intricate and time-consuming: Each ear is marinated in soy sauce and star anise, braised, stacked and thinly sliced. Served cold, our bowl of sliced ears looked like mini bacon strips. We loved the chili and sesame flavors, and the gelatinous texture—the cartilage softened into something jiggly, crunchy and somehow, very snacky. $6.95. 2910 W. 66th St., Richfield; 612.869.6817
BAIT
Crave
These burrito-like sushi rolls, called dragon wraps, are filled with a writhing mass of what seems like scary, sometimes slimy stuff: slithering eels, raw tuna, sharp green onions, buttery avocado, odd crunchy flakes, and a fermented miso dressing with hot chili oil, all wrapped in a crepe and soy paper. Close your eyes and take a bite; forget what’s in it, you’ll be ecstatic. Eel is a sweet and rich “fish” that melts in the mouth; the tuna is fresh and clean tasting. Avocado, onion, chili oil and the flakes (panko breadcrumbs) strike an admirable balance between crunchy and soft, buttery and spicy. The crepe is lightly blistered, and a pale green sash of soy paper pretties the whole thing up. $14.95. 3520 W. 70th St.; 952.697.6000
MUCOUS
Arezzo Ristorante
Black pasta, a.k.a. squid ink pasta, is a longtime favorite of ours, so it was a bit disconcerting to learn that the protective “ink” that a cephalopod releases is mostly made of mucous. But there are amino acids and dopamine in the mix as well, so we focused on those mitigating factors. The ink serves as a pasta coloring in the case of Arezzo’s moretti alle vongole veraci. The vongole, or clams, lead with a heady marine flavor while asparagus, parsley, red chili pepper and white wine step in as boosters. This is briny, garlicky, slippery slurping at its best, so banish boogers from your mind and enjoy every bite. $19.95. 5057 France Ave. S.; 612.285.7444
RAW MEAT, RAW EGG
Cave Vin
We’ve been bombarded with scary stories about cooked hamburger meat, and now we’re supposed to eat it raw? Once again, we yield to the French—after all, they invented the éclair. Steak tartare is basically raw ground beef served with onions, cornichon pickles, capers and a raw egg yolk. The idea? Mix it up according to personal taste. Our tidy timbale of meat looked vaguely brain-like and sported a cap of trembling raw egg yolk. We dove right in and tasted each item separately. We added extra Dijon mustard and parsley, but went easy on the salty capers. Lovely! Consider it a deconstructed meatloaf for the purist: egg, ground beef, bread, onion, and herbs—maybe when the stove broke on meatloaf night is how it first came about. $9.95. 5555 Xerxes Ave. S.; 612.922.0100
WURSTSALAT
Pig and Fiddle
It means “sausage salad” —the horror! Apparently, Wurstsalat is a common snack in Germany, and it goes well with beer. It sounded like the, uh, worst! We were skeptical , then pleased by the elegant bowl brimming with thinly sliced cucumbers, carrots, radishes, potatoes, smoked gouda cheese, and paper-thin half moons of mild, pale sausage. The sweet-tart mustard handily sealed the deal. $7. 3812 W. 50th St.; 952.955.8385;
BLOODY FLESH
McCormick & Schmick’s
It always gives us pause to see an asterisk with a warning accompanying a menu entry. But we could not, we would not, be scared off from devouring this delectable Kobe beef carpaccio. Yes, the paper-thin slices of meat are raw, but of the highest quality and ultra-tender. It’s gussied up with translucent discs of raw red onion, a sprinkling of pungent capers, a lashing of a garlicky cream, and a dusting of parmesan. This didn’t taste dangerous, just delicious, especially when heaped on the accompanying garlic-cheese toasts. 3203 Galleria (Edina Westin Galleria Hotel; 952.920.1142
GUTS Andale Taqueria y Mercado
We hit the jackpot of creepy crawlies at Andale Taqueria, a super-authentic Mexican joint just over the Edina border in Richfield. You can get cabeza (head), lengua (tongue), barbacoa (goat), as well as superior carnitas, al pastor and asada. We focused on the gastrointestinal with an order pork tripe tacos and menudo, an assertive soup made from beef tripe, stomach meat, pig feet and tendon. The chili-spiked broth is an apocryphal hangover cure to which you add chopped white onions, cilantro and lime to your liking. The pork tripe tacos were shockingly swoon-worthy. Tender nuggets of, um, pig intestines were sautéed on a super-hot grill resulting in crispy charred edges and melting centers. Piled on fresh soft corn tortillas, we added some rojo salsa and a touch of avocado salsa, which, at three chili-pepper icons, is not to be mistaken for guacamole! Buche (pork tripe) taco $1.89; menudo, $8.49. 7700 Nicollet Ave. S., Richfield; 612.259.8868
