There are perhaps no two words in the parenting handbook quite as controversial as “sleep training.” For readers who aren’t in the throes of raising young children, allow me to enlighten you. Sleep training teaches babies and toddlers to fall asleep on their own. Basically, it’s a warmed-up version of the “cry it out” method.
Certified gentle sleep coach Elizabeth Sarles prescribes a gentler approach. And as a mother of three children under 4 years old, I found myself intrigued and excited to know more about Sarles’ methods, her mission and how she’s built her business, Nite & Day: Baby and Toddler Sleep Coach.
Sarles walked into our slightly messy home promptly at 1 p.m. on a Tuesday. I apologized for the trail of toys scattered on the floor. She stopped me. “I have two kids at home,” she says. “I get it.” Immediately, I felt at ease.
While I interviewed Sarles, she interviewed me—to give this story depth, we’d agreed that I would undergo her three-week sleep training process as research.
I typically find myself teetering between the “I’m-so-tired-I-don’t-care-if-my-child-crawls-into-bed-with-me-at-2 a.m.” camp and the “fun camp.” The “fun camp” involves kids who sleep while mom and dad enjoy wine and Netflix along with a dip into the good ice cream hidden at the back of the freezer followed by a full night’s sleep.
Sarles said she could help me get to the “fun camp.” So of course I was willing to give her methods a try.
Sarles says, “I got married, we bought a house and I finished my MBA—all in a short span. Apparently I like to do things bam-bam-bam.” She laughs and adds, “Two days before my last class I found out I was pregnant.”
After the birth of their son in 2013, sleep fell by the wayside, and Sarles and her husband decided to seek help from a certified sleep coach. “She gave us a plan and the hands-on support we needed to get back on track,” Sarles says.
After her second son was born in 2015, Sarles revisited sleep coaching—but this time as a career.
She trained with Kim West, licensed clinical social worker and creator of the Gentle Sleep coaching program, the first and most extensive professional sleep coaching certification program available.
I cringed as I told Sarles that our 2-year-old has slept through the night twice, maybe three times, since she was born, and explained I couldn’t abide by the “cry it out” method.
“No mom feels good about that,” Sarles says. “Let’s find what works for your family.”
She went to work. Within hours after meeting, I received an email detailing our family’s individualized sleep plan for the next three weeks. Night wakings proved to be our biggest hurdle, so she included tips to overcome this annoying and exhausting habit.
Although we got the kids involved by making a sticker chart to document the nights they slept in their own beds the entire night (seriously, what issue can’t a sticker chart solve?), the majority of the responsibility remained with us. Sarles encouraged us to be consistent, night after night.
When our kids came into our room in the middle of the night, we were supposed to gently walk them back to their own bed and sit with them until they fell back to sleep.
Some nights, we were both too tired to get out of bed and walk anyone back to their room. So we cuddled them as they nestled under the covers with us. Other nights, we found the stamina to stay on plan and it actually worked.
Sarles was with us every step of the way, checking in through email, texts and phone calls. Though our huge multi-colored fleece blanket remains on the floor next to our bed in case of midnight visitors, more often than not, we’re all getting a full night sleep in our assigned beds. Sarles’ help has made a night-and-day difference.
